Night Cap Capers

Ever since I’ve started consuming Soylent/Schmoylent, I’ve been having extremely vivid dreams, and I’ve even become lucid for brief periods in some of them! (If you don’t know, a lucid dream is one where you are aware that you are dreaming. Here’s a brief FAQ on the topic: I think this may have to do with the crazy amounts of B vitamins present in schmoylent, but I’m not entirely sure. Regardless, every single night has been an adventure, and I have begun to look forward to sleeping each night as the day draws to an end. I’ve had lots of dreams, and have been trying my best to catalog every one I can remember, but I’m going to use this post to highlight a few of the wildest ones.

Roll the bones
I was walking through a graveyard with a few friends. Don’t know why, but that’s how dreams go. It’s kind of like walking into a random bar, finding out there’s a fight about to break out, and having the doors locked behind you. You just throw up your hands in exasperation, roll up your sleeves, and take care of business. Anyway, we’re walking around just exploring this graveyard, when suddenly, one of my friends falls through a hole in the ground! The group stands around for a few minutes debating what to do, and we eventually decided we needed to follow him down to get him out. We jump down in the hole to rejoin our friend, finding ourselves in a giant underground crypt.

We explore the crypt for a while, and are kind of disappointed that we don’t really find anything noteworthy. However, we do find an exit, and are about to leave when suddenly I spot a hole in a far wall. I diverge from the group and make my way to this hole. When I arrive, I look through the hole and see legions upon legions of marching skeleton men. They are all outfitted in armor and equipped with weapons, and I seem to recall seeing a skeleton king commanding them as well. I run back to reunite with my friends and inform them of the coming skeleton army invasion that is obviously being planned on the over world from this underground crypt lair. They all look at me, full of incredulity, write me off as nuts, and I wake up. Oh well, I guess that universe will probably ignore the impending coup, and end up being ruled by the skeleton king’s iron fist. So it goes.

Disney would probably bring litigation
In this dream, the dream arbiters decided to put me in charge of a group of children, although they acted more like a tribal than anything else. Due to this strange behavior, I guess I felt the need to assume a Peter Pan-esque role, because that was that bond I had with these kids. I was their fearless leader, preventing them from ever having to grow up! On this particular day as their leader, I must have really been trying hard to entertain them, because we ended up working together to hijack a yacht. The kids and I forcefully took over a luxury yacht and piloted it through the stormy seas for days on end. When we got tired of our seafaring adventure, we headed toward land, crashed the yacht into a port hangar, and ran for our lives, leaving a burning mess behind. Just then I woke up, and thought to myself how great that adventure would be as a ride in an amusement park, or as a movie. Now excuse me while I go write my screenplay for a modern adaptation of Peter Pan where Captain Hook is a rich oil baron who owns a yacht.

Achieving Brief Lucidity
To preface this dream, I’d like to note that I’ve been listening to a book called Rise of the Warrior Cop: The Militarization of America’s Police Forces by Radley Balko. It chronicles the progress and causes of police militarizations and details seemingly endless accounts of the abuses of police power that have been occurring in America since the ‘70s. The last dream I’d like to tell you about involves me getting arrested. In my dream, I was doing something in a datacenter (where I used to work) and apparently, whatever I was doing was illegal. So after a high intensity movie-like chase through the racks, I am captured by the police, and forcefully brought outside of the building. Once outside, I see that the police have brought with them a whole array of weapons and vehicles including armored vehicles, tanks, and helicopters. This is where I became partially lucid. The fact that the police had so egregiously over-reacted to my crime forced me to snap into awareness, and although I recognized that I was dreaming. I spent the next ten minutes in my dream disparaging the officer in charge of the effort for bringing so much unnecessary weaponry and showing such a shocking amount of force. He acknowledged their overreaction and a majority of the forces present were sent away, as my superior intellect and reason had won the day! They still took me to jail though. Then I woke up.

I have been continuing to have vivid dreams, and I hope to practice achieving lucidity until I can do it consistently. Leave a comment telling me about your crazy dreams!